Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Understanding The Seduction Community

The Seduction Community began as a subculture whose purpose is to help men achieve greater romantic success with women, and to improve social confidence. It gained popularity by way of internet forums and word of mouth. Men give each other advice and share techniques on how to get women, following the tenets of the "player manual" - a collection of information meant to "reprogram" the AFC (Average Frustrated Chump) into a PUA (Pick Up Artist).

Generally speaking, the advice and techniques are meant as social "training wheels" but what often happens is that they become much more important than learning to ride the bike. You get men who become overly reliant on them, integrating them into their personality, and never outgrow them because they have gotten attached to whatever success they have achieved using them (which usually isn't much). It's this unhealthy attachment that the community is notorious for creating.

Moreover, the techniques are often harsh and deceitful, calling for the use of manipulation tactics designed to keep women "off balance" as a way to increase their attraction and sexual receptivity. The justification is that, it works for other men and that's the way things are with respect to women. This leads to many community members accumulating certain personality traits over time, as they try to assimilate this information. This results in a "montage" of weird and negative behavior.

They begin to see women as adversaries in their quest for sexual happiness and see other men as competition. They view male and female interactions as slightly robotic and as her testing him and rejecting him if he makes any "technical mistake". This often creates an atmosphere of confrontation, causing women to "push back", aggravating the original view that women are working against him, resulting in a vicious cycle.

This pattern of behavior can go on for years, in various degrees depending on the individual. Most men experience little to moderate success, eventually leaving the community. In other, more rare cases, some achieve a high degree of success despite their inevitable misogyny, and teach newcomers what they know. They have usually gained a lot of followers, and have become well respected in the community. For this they are the most dangerous, as they have a tendency to (indirectly) attack men's self-worth while being regarded as a source of good information.

It's an ongoing cycle, with a lot of bad fallout. Unfortunately, many men are unwilling to question this "system" because they feel that the alternative is going back to being an "AFC" - dateless and not having any girls.

Unfortunately, most are not shown that there is a way to do things where you are not an "AFC" or a "PUA", but a man.

I personally feel that it's a collective lack of wisdom that is the root of this. Too many young men with little life experience have found a niche with other like-minded men, and are regulating themselves without any elders to show them the way. This is partly a consequence of the politically correct western culture, which tends to create a void where masculinity is concerned. In many cases, traditional values have been abandoned in the name of "change" forcing some of us to relearn those values through trial and error.

Masculinity is fragile, which means men need good role models because our path is easily corrupted. And part of this path is realizing that a real man doesn't follow "techniques" to get women because it puts him at the mercy of their responses. Such a man would never give up his personal power in that way. Indeed, getting women is not a panacea for manhood.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Was just reading through some of your stuff. I like it.

A few comments:

1) I think most people reach the point you do eventually. However, they need to have success with women first. Once you know you can get laid, its easy to switch to not needing to get laid.

However, if you never get out there you could easily have gone from being a 27 year old virgin to a 40 year old one, without much epiphany.

2) I've never been too into the technical aspects of the PUA community, nor attended a seminar or anything like that. I think the best ones basically teach self confidence, and since many guys have self confidence problems that have sex at the root its good to start there.

3) Breaking down the pedestal is an important part of that process. Yes, you could raise girls onto a different kind of pedestal, but that depends on how obsessed you become with the technical aspects of PUA and keeping score. Most people can get through this phase quickly or skip it. Once you get laid enough times you can basically check off that box. I haven't been to a lot of PUA sites, but the ones I've been on basically state that when you stop trying to have sex it will come to you (not in the basement dweller not trying but in the going out and socializing but on your own terms not trying).

Anonymous said...

I've seen the word self-confidence get thrown around a lot in the community. I'd just like to point out, while confidence is important in any and all social situations, it is by itself nothing without the necessary foundations. A man with little to no social experience cannot be expected to land girls just because, he is confident around them. Confidence is little more than the word used to describe feelings of self assurance mixed with general detachment towards the outcome of a situation. A man with no combat experience might be able to confidently engage in a fight with a trained martial artist, but his feelings of self-assurance will not affect the probability that he's going to loose.

With women its much the same. If you simply don't know how to hold a conversation, then you might as well jump of a cliff thinking the laws of gravity don't apply, because you are confident in your ability to fly without wings.