Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Removing Attachment To Women

Attachment is suffering and it can be overcome. Buddhists have understood this for centuries.

We can apply Buddhism in our lives to become happier individuals. I’m going to discuss, in practical terms, how men can improve their dating lives using Buddhist philosophy.

Desiring women is a source of attachment.

You can enjoy their company without attachment, just like you can enjoy a meal without attachment to fine dining.

You have to become aware of those things that are contributing to your attachment and remove them, even if it’s difficult.

These are examples of how men show attachment to women:

• Pushing conversation on a girl, even if she’s not being responsive, to get a favorable result

• Using technical explanations for male/female dynamics, the kind found in the seduction community

• Learning seduction methods to get women

• Wondering how quickly, or when a girl will “give it up”

• Using the term “going out to pick up” rather than “going out to meet people”

• Purchasing fad marketing products on how to meet women

• Viewing “hot chicks” as an ultimate achievement, and feeling validated if you do “achieve”

• Not being direct

• Assuming women “test” you and assuming you have to “pass”

• Wanting to learn, which man to be to best attract women, rather than figuring out who you are independently

• Making an effort to meet other girls to get over your desire for this one girl. By doing this you’re replacing your attachment to one girl with attachment to other girls

Lastly, avoid any teachings which masquerade as teaching detachment but which do not.

For instance, avoid anyone telling you to remove attachment to outcome, because it will get you what you wanted. This only contributes to the attachment. For example, a "dating method" telling you that you have to stop caring about getting girls and just have a good time, because that will get you girls. Better to say that you should stop caring about getting girls, and have a good time, because no matter what happens, you'll still be happy.


Anonymous said...

You say...

'Lastly, avoid any teachings which masquerade as teaching detachment but which do not.'

So we should avoid this site all together? It is titled...

'Lifestyle Journey For Men

In this blog I share lifestyle and dating tips for men.'

Or am I just being stupid? Probably the latter.

BTW, I agree with everything said here. Keep up the good work regardless

Anonymous said...

Well I think its possible to desire women while not making them our sole pleasure in life. In other words we want them but we dont need them.

I dont think we can honestly say we dont want them at all.

@observedego - i suppose this particular heading falls under the *lifestyle* category, not the dating tips category. I am sure in the dating tips he is quite clear about what to do to have a more enjoyable dating life.

Come to think of it, even this post can help you have a more enjoyable dating life overall by reducing your attachment to women. There is no contradiction in that.

E M said...

Well, I think it all boils down to feeling a 'connection' with women.

When this is there, there may be a few things around it, like the fulfillment of unfulfilled desires, addiction to her beauty, caring that having a girl improves your social life, thinking others will think more of you if you have a beautiful girlfriend, thinking she could have 'helped' you in various ways, but essentially this connection should be there.

When this connection is visited with physical separation (the 'end' of the relationship), sadness, I think, is natural, and healthy, and bearable. All the other bits, mentioned in the preceding paragraph, give rise to very confused and unpleasant emotions.