Monday, March 10, 2008

Going Without Sex

I've gone almost a year without sex and it barely registers. I've just been busy doing other things. It occurs to me that many men have a hard time going without sex. But if you really want to deal with your neediness and attachment to women then go without sex for a long time and do other things, such as personal hobbies. It will cure you. You will realize it doesn't matter that much. One way to think about this is to realize that chasing after it inevitably brings you back to the point where you want to keep chasing it. And there is no joy in that. Only empty addiction. It's much better to have things happen naturally in that regard. Let sex and other things, like money, fame, etc. be a byproduct of you living your life genuinely.

In the old days I would learn all these strategies to get laid. And if I encountered resistance I would just keep at it and plow through since men are supposed to not give up. And since there are men who do this sort of thing regularly and are getting results it is often said that they should be copied. Wrong wrong wrong. It's like saying that if any amount of good can come from stepping on a nail then you should step on the nail. Maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe I'm not. But if you are smart enough to realize that something is not working that well why on earth would you stay on that path just because other people are doing it? There are certain instances where the majority is wrong. And understanding those instances comes down to your internal wisdom. It's like having an internal compass. Are you going to let your internal compass be affected by others? I will do something that feels right to me or I won't do it. This is not the same as pain avoidance or being lazy. It's about being wholesome, which includes compassion, authenticity and empathy.

The idea of chasing after women is now so utterly alien to me that it's hard to imagine who I used to be. It's funny because some may wonder if I know what I'm missing? Yes I do, and I don't miss it at all.

I won't go out to "pick up".

I won't pretend to want a relationship to have sex.

I won't waste time to make sure sex happens.

Of course I would never tell a woman when she should or shouldn't sleep with me, but I certainly wouldn't date her or go through hoops in order to have that happen. I don't mind being friends or acquaintances beforehand but only in a natural setting where we know each other as a result of our daily activities, and not as a requirement to be "friends first". It would be unwholesome to do that.

A few weeks ago a friend asked me what to do if a girl flirts with you and shows interest. I told him that if he likes the girl he should invite her back to his place directly. Very simple. Why would you ever do anything more? The only reason you would be compelled to do anything more is to "secure the deal" better. A logical fallacy brought on by attachment. If you want to understand clearly why the direct approach is best then remove your attachment. Attachment has a way of clouding good judgement. So just remove it.

This brings me to another thing I'd like to discuss, and that is the notion of masculinity. What is it? Since I am a man and I do things that truly come from inside me then my actions will tend to be masculine. And for a woman, if her actions truly come from inside her then they will tend to be feminine. There is a natural yin and yang since these two sets of actions are generally not the same. Problems can occur when we try to act differently and cross wires that weren't meant to be crossed. So let's be true to our nature and masculinity and femininity will naturally follow.

These days men make it so easy for women to have a companion. This is something many men envy and wish to experience themselves. But it is true that these same women are generally not very happy with this sense of "abundance". Some find it boring or annoying while others try to turn it into an opportunity to get more. A familiar cycle which we know doesn't work. But we can learn from this. We can stop chasing after women knowing that even having a lot of them won't be truly satisfying.

I'm not one to rigidly tell people what they should or shouldn't do, or which path they must or must not take. I will only say that the good thing about going down a bad path is to know that it's not the correct one. And based on this knowledge I have chosen the better path, and I'm much happier.


Anonymous said...

I concur

Anonymous said...

Aren't you worried that a girl who is willing to sleep with you after just meeting you probably has STDs?

abdullah said...

Biologically women make it harder for men because women run the risk of pregnancy, so they gravitate to men that send out the vibe of security, strength and compassion. Women enjoy sex maybe more than men. Sex is fun. Most women have not evolved enough intellectually to overcome their bodily instincts. With birth control pregnancy is almost a non-issue.
Don't go without sex. Find a woman you enjoy pleasing and have as much fun as you can. Life is too short.

Anonymous said...

Couldn't agree more with everything you said. I also had an epiphany that I don't need women to be happy, nor to have sex with, so I am just indifferent to them.

I let the idea of me not getting laid really get to me for a time, I became disillusioned and grumpy.