Friday, March 20, 2009

Debunking Some Myths

Here are the myths:

Attractive women are approached all the time by men so you need to stand out

When you try to stand out chances are you're going to do things that a lot of other guys are doing, and that makes you not stand out. The best way to stand out is to be yourself. People are unique individuals. I've personally never known two people that are exactly alike. They all stand out in their own way, especially those that weren't trying to fit in to a particular "mold".

You should listen unquestioningly to guys who are successful with women

Not necessarily. You must look at the manner in which they are successful. Are they successful because they are approaching tons of women? There's a name for this method. It's called the Law of Averages. It works great if you are in the city and don't have any other hobbies.

It's natural for males to chase after females and try to win them over. Look at animals

It depends. For some animals this is true but not for others. Our closet primate cousins, the chimps, don't use courtship behaviour at all. They solicit for sex directly. Both the males and the females do this.

Attractive women can have any guy they want. I wish I were in their shoes

So why are so many of them still looking? It's easy to wish the roles were reversed, but the funny thing about human nature is that we tend to want things we don't have and when we get them we get bored and want to move on to the next adventure. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

Women want a guy with balls and if you don't chase after them and show them you really want them they will dismiss you

Having "balls" and wasting time are close cousins. Don't let your ego dictate what you should and shouldn't do where women are concerned. Women can just as easily take the initiative as men. They prove it all the time.

You have to provide women with chemistry and sparks

Women are certainly entitled to want these things, but given that they are abstract intangible concepts which make no sense to most men, it's better just to let women experience these things on their own. If the way I laugh gives her butterflies, great. If the way I talk gives her tingly feelings, great. But that's her territory, which has nothing to do with what I want to project. What I want to project is honesty and direct-ness, with maybe some flirting if I'm in the mood. If that doesn't do it for her she is free to look elsewhere.

You have to give women relationships. If all you want is sex you won't have a chance since they can get that anywhere

What if all I have to offer is sex? Don't fall into the trap of thinking that just because something is common it has low value. Just because something is easy to get doesn't mean you shouldn't enjoy it. Do you avoid eating ice cream because it's inexpensive and easy to get? It's a silly notion.

Although what I'm offering (sex) is similar to what a lot of other men are offering, it won't be exactly the same. No lover is exactly the same. No experiences are exactly the same.

You can't "be yourself" because that just doesn't work

If you peel back the layers of insecurity, emotional baggage, and bad social conditioning you'll find that being yourself is actually a pretty cool thing. The fake you, the facade that you've been taught to present to the world, is the wrong kind of "being yourself".

Women have rules with regards to dating and when to have sex, so you need to follow them if you want to get laid

There is something very wrong if you always need to follow somebody else's rules to get what you want. It's better to find people that think the way you do so you don't have to go through all the unnecessary BS. Believe me, they are not in short supply.

Nice guys come in last

This is plain wrong. You can be nice, just don't kiss @ss or supplicate. The latter is the typical context for the "nice guy". Not being like this does not mean you have to be a jerk, either.

Only jerks are successful with women

Guys who don't kiss @ss or supplicate are successful with women. However, they might seem like "jerks" to some, only because they don't put women on pedestals.

Women are always testing you to see if you are an attractive "alpha" male, and if you fail their tests they will dismiss you

Could a statement be any more disempowering? First of all, if you have to prove anything to anyone about how "good" you are, you're coming from a weak position. Furthermore, women can't test men for alpha traits because alpha men don't care to pass tests. The idea of trying to pass women's tests is ridiculous. She either likes me or she doesn't. And all she can do is observe me to see if she likes me or not.

Consider this: If women can be attracted to men from a distance whom they've never even talked to, how on earth did they manage to throw in any "testing"?

Guys in the seduction community like the concept of women testing men, because it appeals to their ego. When they pass a "test" they feel powerful. When they fail a "test" it makes them determined to do better next time. But the concept also makes them prisoners of women's reactions towards them. They feel they always need to come up with the proper response, and this can make them appear confrontational and weird. Women will sense this and respond in kind. And this reinforces the idea that they are being tested. It's a nice loop.

Fortunately, attraction between men and women is not this complicated, and is not based on stupid tests.

Women are attracted to men based on their appearance, mannerisms, and the way they speak. In other words, their "maleness". And men are attracted to women based on their appearance, mannerisms, and the way they speak. In other words, their "femininity". We are born naturally attractive to the opposite sex. It's only when we start messing with the basics that things get screwed up and people start misconstruing cause-and-effect.

Women can sense insecurity in men

This is not a special talent women have. It's just that they are usually so darn experienced from all the men approaching them, that they can tell which guy is overselling and which guy is chilled out. I can do the same. It's called street experience. When a guy at the bus terminal is telling me a long-winded story about how he missed the bus and is in town for his brothers wedding, I know he is going to ask me for spare change. I've had it happen many times before.

The hottest women are the young twenty-somethings. These are the high-value women only the top "gurus" get

The reason many of these so-called gurus (like Mystery) usually end up with the "hot" young twenty-somethings is because they are the easiest to win over using canned lines and fake personas. More mature and experienced older women are less likely to fall for the schtick of men in the seduction community. But the seduction community does a clever thing. It refers to these older women as the "not as hot" ones, and refers to the younger women as the "hot ones". Therefore, the methods work best on the "hottest" women. It's convincing logic, but falls apart upon closer examination.


Anonymous said...

Especially the last part about the hot women being the young STUPID ones.
I find older, smarter, experienced women SO much more attractive than the young re'tards that can only talk about shit happening on the hottest new "reality TV".

IanIan said...

So you do believe that seduction works albeit on younger women and its not just the law of averages at work?

Anonymous said...

Do you really think that PUA techniques do work in younger women? That sounds very contradictory with main point you make in your blog : "PUA theories are crap"

Personally, I don't believe these PUA techniques work at all, neither for younger women. The reason why Mystery gets women is because he's a successful magician who has lots of money (have you seen his house, with the swimming pool overlooking the Bay?) and reasonable fame, and knows some really famous people,and his work consists on creating spectacular jaw dropping surprises and engage with an audience.... therefore has better stories to tell, more practice talking to people and more money and perceived success than, say, the average software developer who lives flat sharing because the rent is too expensive.

Same applies to Style. He was a reporter for Rolling Stone magazine. He had gone on tour with Marilyn Manson,and other stars. Doesn't that give him an edge over regular people with regular boring jobs?