Sunday, July 5, 2009

David DeAngelo Undermines Your Progress

David DeAngelo (David D) puts women on another kind of pedestal.

Let me explain.

Read between the lines of many of the things he says, in his programs, and in his newsletters. Look at what he is actually communicating. He is often times promoting empowerment with women from a position of disempowerment.

He puts women on a pedestal by making them seem infallible and hard-to-reach. He says things like: You must do this, and when women do this you must do that (otherwise it's game over). He makes it seem like getting women is an obstacle course.

This is what the seduction community commonly does, by the way. It justifies quirky female behaviour using various forms of (flawed) evolutionary psychology theory. It's like saying that it's okay for me to steal, because I am merely playing out my self-preservation instinct. Yeah, right...

So basically, anytime a woman does something, no matter what it is, it's up to you to calibrate that for best effect.

Constantly back to the drawing board...

David D teaches you to model yourself after what women want instead of modeling yourself after what you really want, and it just so happens that women are most attracted to this anyway. He has it totally backwards.

First you get your own life in order, and learn to live happily WITHOUT women, and then you are able to accept women into your life with a much healthier mindset.

I went for two years without sex and meeting women, and I was perfectly fine with it. I focused on my own life and my own interests. And when it came time to get back into the dating scene I did so seamlessly. There was no loss of "game", no "rustiness". Because I focused on my own life, it was natural that offshoots of my life (such as women) would automatically be taken care of as well.

David D harps on the necessity of knowing how attraction works and how you have to "get it" or you're screwed. But what HE doesn't get is that a guy who is trying to model himself after what females find attractive is NOT being the one thing that women DO find attractive: a guy who doesn't try to impress them.

By trying to be the guy that women find attractive you ARE being the guy that's trying to impress them.

All he's doing is teaching men how to emulate certain qualities that attractive men already have. He's teaching you to display the symptoms without getting the actual "virus". In this case, the "virus" is being your own man and learning to be happy without women.

After going for two years without sex and learning to be happy without women I can safely say that I have the "virus". And when the day came that I did hook up, guess what, it wasn't even that special. In fact, it was on par with "jerking off". You know that your neediness is taken care of when the prospect of sex is no more exciting than jerking off.

David D constantly frames getting women as very important, by way of subtext. On the one hand he is teaching you to stop being a "wussy" which is good, but on the other hand he is teaching you to stop being a wussy because it turns women off. Getting women is the subtext behind everything he says. Do you see the problem with that? It's a bit subtle but basically he puts the goal of positive change for the sake of getting women. So he starts off strong with good advice but then adds the final "sticky" as to why you should be doing it.

Be a challenge......................... because it gets women

Don't be a wuss......................... because it gets women

Be strong and decisive......................... because it gets women

Although you are removing the wuss behaviour technically speaking, you are still (deep inside) being a wuss who's wearing a "man" costume. You will still be the guy who goes home after a "sarge" wondering how you could have made the man-costume more convincing. Not that there's anything wrong with continuous improvement, but it has to be for the right reasons.

The end result - you will still be needy for women. The core problem will still be there. You will not internalize anything truly powerful and long lasting using David D's advice.

Jump farther

Run faster

Leap higher

... Because it gets women.

Or, alternatively:

Jump farther

Run faster

Leap higher

... Because it makes for a more fulfilling life.

Now which do you think is better?

The problem with David D (like most seduction "gurus") is this: He puts women on a pedestal. He assumes that getting women is like getting to the top of a tall mountain, and by giving you all these "tools" you will be able to scale the mountain and get the women.

These seduction teachers are no different from the typical guy who buys women drinks, dinner, and gives compliments, in order to win them over. They are merely using more "sophisticated" tools to win the women over (climb the mountain).

But they miss the reality; the mountain is an illusion. Women are not nearly that far up. They are actually at ground level. And once you realize that you are basically done.

So the best way to "climb" the mountain is to say: "there is no mountain". And the mountain will come to Mohammed (so to speak).

It's funny, all these "tools" that men are taught on how to get women are basically ways of making it seem like you're not using tools at all. In other words, climb the mountain without making it look like you're trying to climb a mountain. But what's the point of that? Just don't bother trying to climb, or assume that you have to.

Here's a gem from one of David D's newsletters:

"Women test men CONSTANTLY.

And ATTRACTIVE women test men MUCH MORE INTENSELY than “regular” women.

If you don't know how to spot these tests (and most of them are very subtle), and then deal with them, you're going to lose your chance to create ATTRACTION before you even GET it.

Again, the mountain analogy applies: Women test men CONSTANTLY, therefore men must be up to the "challenge" or they will lose their chance (oh-no).

Can you think of anything that drains more of your power than this one single statement?

That mountain is indeed very high. You gotta get in great shape. You gotta get the right climbing equipment. You gotta do all these things or you will miss your chance to reach the top of that peak.

And the more attractive a woman is, the more INTENSELY she will test. It's like climbing frikkin Mt. Everest lol.

And furthermore, the tests are subtle so you better learn how to spot them and deal with them.

Give me a break!!

How to be a wuss in a man-costume — that's what David D is advocating here.

By the way, this will be a good time for you to read Moving Beyond Seduction And "Picking Up" Women.

There is nothing truly empowering about what David D teaches because even his best messages are diluted with the get-women subtext. He cannot help those who want to evolve to the ultimate level, which is, get to the point where you don't need women in your life to be happy.


Anonymous said...

David D is a wuss himself.

He is the most sophisticated of all the PUA snake oil salesmen. He poses as a nice and professional guy but he knows jack about women.

All he is, is a good Internet marketer and a scamster at the same time. He is currently involved with some mega Internet scam (not related to PUA stuff) and he got nicely exposed. Google it yourself.

Since I was involved with this pathetic PUA crap for over 7 years, I've read a thing or two about him.

He is actually very bad with women in real life.

He may have gotten some LA "ho" gold diggers (he made a lot of money off of his scam) but he is neither physically attractive, nor "alpha" (whatever that means).

Anonymous said...

It must be remembered that Eben... ahem, I mean, David... is selling a product, and hence, must manufacture both need and a body of content to answer to that need. So of course it HAS to be a "mountain", since he's the one selling the climbing gear!

I actually find his stuff very entertaining and interesting, and even enriching at times, though I've never actually used it for its intended purpose!

I do, however, agree with what you're saying here.

Anonymous said...

"First you get your own life in order, and learn to live happily WITHOUT women, and then you are able to accept women into your life with a much healthier mindset."

This sums up everything in terms of women/dating.

Anonymous said...

Another thing he does is verbally bitch slaps you if you make a mistake or have any insecurities whatsoever.

Someone who has insecurities needs to be treated with empathy and compassion to help them through it.

When a guy is very insecure and frightened about approaching women and going on dates, shaming them is the last thing in the world that's going to help them. That's just going to make them feel even worse and end up even more socially awkward. But he knows this, and he does it on purpose.

When he speaks, he does so with a lot of authority. People naturally gravitate toward that. They think, "he sounds very confident and sure of himself, so he must be right."

When he verbally bitch slaps them and calls them a wuss, he makes them feel worse about themselves, but they keep coming back for more "because he must be right."

It reminds me of a line from the movie Wayne's World:

"If you eat a chieftain, you go up a level. Beauty part is, you can't get to the next level, so the kids keep coughing up quarters." (sinister laugh)